There are days when I simply don't want to go to bed. I'm starting to wonder if it's insomnia or if it's simply something my soul needs to ground itself. I find pleasure in the night. I like the quiet, the stillness. I love the fact that no one can disturb me, no one has access to me, and I don't have to pay attention to anything except the thoughts racing through my mind.
There is a kind of nostalgia in the night, which is so beautiful to me. An opportunity to reflect on life and reconnect to the grander scheme of things. To read my favourite book, perhaps. I know that it's not healthy by standard terms, but for me, staying up late is sometimes an act of self-care, the practice of letting go of conventions and simply being. It's also the time when I love to write, and the time of day when I've written some of my favourite songs. I even have a song called 3 am, because when I started writing it, it was...well....3 am. By the way, this song will be featured on my upcoming EP, so these late nights are worth it.
I know that most "mindfulness" and "conscious living" platforms advocate early rising. Perhaps they are right, but I am simply not there yet. If this post is meant to advocate anything, it is the act of letting yourself flow with life and the dedication to listening to your inner voice. However it may guide you. I firmly believe that it is far better to go to sleep satisfied than simply to go to sleep at a certain time. I also believe that if you have energy still to spend, then by all means, why not put it to good use? Actually, I'm writing this blog post late in the night (it is currently 2:41 am on my clock) and this is my way of calming down in order to sleep well. I just finished uploading this whole website and now, when I go to sleep, I know I'll rest with ease because I connected to what is most important to me.
I definitely don't do this everyday and try to go to bed at a fairly reasonable time, but I've learned that if I strongly feel the need to do something, I should just do it with no questions asked. So, whatever it is that you feel the need to show up for - be it writing a late night blog post or applying to that job, or even as simple as eating that meal - just do it. Don't think, don't debate, don't analyse. Have the trust in yourself to follow your gut. It will unmistakably lead you where you need to go.
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